The secrets to a healthier sex life

Loveologist Wendy Strgar, Natural Solutions' sexpert and founder of Good Clean Love

Welcome to Natural Solutions’ Sexual Healing series. I’m a loveologist and the founder of Good Clean Love, and I  hope you will bring your questions about sexual wellness and share the answers with your friends.

One of the most misunderstood and least discussed aspects of our overall health is our sexual wellness. A topic that many feel hesitant to discuss even with their doctors, our sexuality remains a mystery to many of us throughout our life. In a recent survey, respondents listed friends as their primary source of information about sexual questions and concerns, yet often our friends are as mystified as we are about the many issues that occur as our sexuality develops and matures.

Anna Freud (Sigmund’s daughter) once said, “Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are.” This astute summation of the hours of conversation regarding sexuality that she must have shared at her dinner table is an important foundation for understanding sexual wellness. Our sexuality is not a sum of behaviors; rather it is a deep and important part of what it means to be human. Integrating your unique sexual identity into a complete picture of your health allows you to make choices about sexual acts that reflect who you are and who you want to become.

The health benefits of developing a life that includes sexual wellness extend far beyond the physical act of lovemaking. Hundreds of major medical studies have shown that an active sex life leads to a longer life, better heart health, a healthier immune response, reduction in chronic pain symptoms, lower rates of depression and even protection against some cancers. Men who have regular sex (only twice per week) have half as many heart attacks as men who only have sex once per month. In fact, a regular garden-variety sex life has been shown to extend life by as much as ten years. In addition, people who enjoy a meaningful sex life are less anxious, fearful and inhibited.

Sexual wellness enhances your self-esteem and self-respect. There is probably a no more vulnerable experience that we share with another than the acts of physical intimacy. Healthy sex lets you get out of bed feeling loved, accepted and valued. Although the acts we perform in our sex lives may leave us mystified, if they leave you feeling cheap or dirty then something is amiss.

Sexual wellness happens in the context of giving and receiving pleasure. Opening our lives to the experience of pleasure and developing our capacity for orgasm are the building blocks of creating a satisfying sexual life. Enjoying and cultivating physical intimacy with your partner is like pouring cement into the foundation of trust and communication that builds and sustains healthy relationships.

Sexual wellness is built on the willing participation of both partners. Sexual desire is the result of a complex range of internal experiences that includes everything from hormonal stimulation to prehistoric forms of communication. Our ability to respond to our sexuality is influenced by cultural beliefs and the values we grew up with. Issues of initiation and matching sexual appetites are a challenge for many couples. Creating a sex life that nourishes the relationship must take into account and respect the different needs that each partner brings and forges a working compromise that inspires both people to want to find each other.

Sexual wellness takes overall health concerns into consideration. Sexual acts can create serious unintended consequences. It is essential to have conversations about your partner’s sexual history and also about the goals of a sexual experience. To engage in a sexual act with someone without this type of conversation could potentially open you up to a variety of diseases that would impact your long term health. Dealing with an unwanted pregnancy is one of the most jarring and emotionally difficult circumstances that you might ever face. A sexually healthy life style is always built on honest and solid health consequences.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please comment on this post, send it to your friends, or email me your questions.