How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

In a survey of 200 couples attending a weekend workshop, John Gottman, PhD, a researcher in the area of couples and family relationships, found that the best predictor of passion and romance in a relationship was...you guessed it...the quality of the friendship! Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world. They remember the major events in each other's history, and they keep up to date as the facts and feelings of their spouse's world change. They know each other's goals in life, each other's worries, each other's hopes.

This quiz highlights elements of what Gottman refers to as your "love map"—the part of your brain where you keep information about your partner's life. In his workshops, Gottman discusses the step-by-step process of making sure that you nurture your friendship with your partner. To see how you score on your Love Map, check the ratings at the bottom of the quiz!


1. I can name my partner's best friends.
yes no

2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
yes no

3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.
yes no

4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams.
yes no

5. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life.
yes no

6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
yes no

7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
yes no

8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner.
yes no

9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
yes no

10. My partner really respects me.
yes no

11. There is fire and passion in this relationship.
yes no

12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship.
yes no

13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.
yes no

14. My partner generally likes my personality.
yes no

15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.
yes no

16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
yes no

17. My partner is one of my best friends.
yes no

18. We just love talking to each other.
yes no

19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions.
yes no

20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree.
yes no

21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
yes no

22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.
yes no

Your score:

15 or more yes answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship. Congratulations!

8 to 14: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon but there are also some weaknesses that need your attention.

7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.



gottman.com" target="blank"> gottman.jpg" alt="Drs. John and Julie Gottman" />
**The Love Map quiz was written by John Gottman, PhD, and is re-printed from the website of The Gottman Institute. Dr. Gottman lives in the U.S. and is a world-renowned researcher in the area of couples and family relationships. To find out more about workshops and private therapy for couples, training programs for therapists and relationship products, please visit gottman.com" target="_blank">www.gottman.com

Enter a comment related to this article

---